I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
