I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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