Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
