I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
