so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
