4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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