its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
