sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
