YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
