i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
