My first STD was from a foam party
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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