I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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