The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
