Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
