We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize