I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
