I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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