Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
