My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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