You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
