I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
