I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
