dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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