I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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