I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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