non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ladies don't puke and tell
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
