Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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