I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
