So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
