its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
