ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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