I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
