I want to have your abortion
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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