he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
