She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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