I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
