If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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