i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
