I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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