i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i out mim tonsoeep
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