I heard we made out
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
