Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
