you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
