It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
