Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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