apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
