You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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