i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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