U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
