One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
