I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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