we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
a search helicopter?!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
