FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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