I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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