My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
