Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
