He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
