I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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