Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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