thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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