I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
