Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
