Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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