she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
