I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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